Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want a musical about memes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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