was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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