Yo dont text me then not text me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it because I queefed?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
