my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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