I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
