and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
