if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
