Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize