Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
