I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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