I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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