i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
