Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
