we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You've changed since you got that strap on
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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