Me too!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
