A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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