woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize