It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
