I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What drink are we having for lunch?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
