Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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