I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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