He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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