i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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