guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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