i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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