I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
