You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize