you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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