im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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