i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
