I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
