Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
