There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
