u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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