Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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