i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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