She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
