two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
