He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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