my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
