she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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