I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
