When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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