We won't sleep together?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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