you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
