I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
