my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
