Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
