Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
