that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
