if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
