thus making me awesome and them whores
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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