You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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