At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm having to shit out rocks
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