Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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