I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
