we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
