I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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