Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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