dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
