My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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