I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
