We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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