Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
