I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
