I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
