AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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