when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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