My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
