So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
