Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize