Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
