did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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